[Sheepdip]

In the great days of theBritish Empire a new commanding officer was sent to a remote African bush outpost to relieve the retiring colonel.


After welcoming his replacement and showing the usual courtesies of gin and tonic, cucumber sandwiches etc., decreed by protocol, the retiring colonel said, "You must meet my Adjutant, Captain Smithers. He's my right-hand man and is really the strength of this entire post. His talent and energy is simply boundless."


Captain Smithers was summoned and introduced to the new Commanding Officer who was surprised to meet a hunchbacked, one-eyed, toothless, hairless, scabbed and pockmarked specimen of humanity, a particularly unattractive man less than three feet tall.

"Smithers, old man, tell your new CO about yourself."

"Well, sir, I graduated with honours from Sandhurst, joined the regiment and won the Military Cross and Bar after three expeditions behind enemy lines.

I've represented Great Britain in equestrian events andwon a Silver Medal in the middleweight boxing division of the Olympics.

I have researched the history of....."

At which point the colonel interrupted, "Yes, yes, never mind that Smithers, he can find all that in your file.

Tell him about the day you told the witch doctor you thought his witchcraft was a bunch of B.S."