[rpmerf]

I would not be surprised at a warm relay, but hot is not normal under normal circumstances. This leads me to believe the issue is 1 of 2 things - faulty relay, or excessive amperage draw. My fear would be that the relay was not the issue, excessive power consumption caused the relay to fail.

I am not familiar with that pinout. The pin that has seen a lot of heat, what is that pin used for? Input from the battery?

What size fuse do you have on the input wire? What amperage is the relay rated for?

EDIT:
Even if the ECM did hold the relay open, I would not expect this kind of damage.