The Electric fence and The Lawn Mower

[richard2717]

We have the standard 6 ft. fence in the backyard, and a few months ago, I heard about burglaries increasing dramatically in the entire city. To make sure this never happened to me, I got an electric fence and ran a single wire along the top of the fence.

Actually, I got the biggest cattle charger Tractor Supply had, made for 26 miles of fence. I then used an 8 ft. long ground rod, and drove it 7.5 feet into the ground. The ground rod is the key, with the more you have in the ground, the better the fence works.

One day I'm mowing the back yard with my cheapo Wal-Mart 6 hp big wheel push mower. The hot wire is broken and laying out in the yard. I knew for a fact that I unplugged the charger. I pushed the mower around the wire and reached down to grab it, to throw it out of the way.

It seems as though I hadn't remembered to unplug it after all.

Now I'm standing there, I've got the running lawnmower in my right hand and the 1.7 giga-volt fence wire in the other hand. Keep in mind the charger is about the size of a marine battery and has a picture of an upside down cow on fire on the cover.

Time stood still.

The first thing I notice is my pecker trying to climb up the front side of my body. My ears curled downwards and I could feel the lawnmower ignition firing in the backside of my brain. Every time that Briggs & Stratton rolled over, I could feel the spark in my head. I was literally at one with the engine.

It seems as though the fence charger and the piece of **** lawnmower were fighting over who would control my electrical impulses.

Science says you cannot poop, pee, and vomit at the same time. I beg to differ. Not only did I do all three at once, but my bowels emptied 3 different times in less than half of a second. It was a Matrix kind of bowel movement, where time is creeping along and you're all leaned back and BAM BAM BAM you just **** your pants 3 times. It seemed like
there were minutes in between but in reality it was so close together it was like exhaust pulses from a big block Chevy turning 8 grand.

At this point I'm about 30 minutes (maybe 2 seconds) into holding onto the fence wire. My hand is wrapped around the wire palm down so I can't let go. I grew up on a farm so I know all about electric fences ... but Dad always had those piece of **** chargers made by International or whoever that were like 9 volts and just kinda tickled.

This one I could not let go of. The 8 foot long ground rod is now accepting signals from me through the permadamp Ark-La-Tex river bottom soil. At this point I'm thinking I'm going to have to just man up and take it, until the lawnmower runs out of gas.

'Damn!,' I think, as I remember I just filled the tank!

Now the lawnmower is starting to run rough. It has settled into a loping run pattern as if it had some kind of big lawnmower race cam in it. Covered in poop, pee, and with my vomit on my chest I think 'Oh God please die .... Pleeeeaze die'. But nooooo, it settles into the rough lumpy cam idle nicely and remains there, like a big bore roller cam EFI motor waiting for the go command from its owner's right foot.

So here I am in the middle of July, 104 degrees, 80% humidity, standing in my own backyard, begging God to kill me. God did not take me that day .... he left me there covered in my own fluids to writhe in the misery my own stupidity had created.

I honestly don't know how I got loose from the wire ....

I woke up laying on the ground hours later. The lawnmower was beside me, out of gas. It was later on in the day and I was sunburned.

There were two large dead grass spots where I had been standing, and then another long skinny dead spot where the wire had laid while I was on the ground still holding on to it. I assume I finally had a seizure and in the resulting thrashing had somehow let go of the wire.

Upon waking from my electrically induced sleep I realized a few things:

1 - Three of my teeth seem to have melted.

2 - I now have cramps in the bottoms of my feet and my right butt cheek (not the left, just the right).

3 - Poop, pee, and vomit when all mixed together, do not smell as bad as you might think.

4 - My left eye will not open.

5 - My right eye will not close.

6 - The lawnmower runs like a sum***** now. Seriously! I think our little session cleared out some carbon fouling or something, because it was better than new after that.

7 - My nuts are still smaller than average yet they are almost a foot long.

8 - I can turn on the TV in the game room by farting while thinking of the number 4 (still don't understand this???).


That day changed my life.
I now have a newfound respect for things.
I appreciate the little things more, and now I always triple check to make sure the fence is unplugged before I mow.

The good news, is that if a burglar does try to come over the fence, I can clearly visualize what my security system will do to him, and THAT gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling all over, which also reminds me to triple check before I mow.

[Palf70Step]

[truckster]

A few years ago my cousin challenged my children to try out his electric fence - $20 was on the line. Three of them were dumb enough to take him up on it.

That video of them doing the "Electric Fence Dance" is still one of my favorite videos.

[flashed]

Lol.

[mongocanfly]

I bought peed myself reading this.....I could picture it happening like watching a movie......hahahaha

[jjzepplin]

Glad you are somewhat OK. But my wife was rolling on the floor laughing her but off while I read this to her. I was touching one of those 5 volt ish wires at the ranch where my Dad had his prize stallion. Not a big jolt every couple seconds so no Bigge. Then I had forgotten I was touching it and the stallion came on over to see me. My left hand was on the wire and my right touched the horse on the nose. Wholly ----!!! Set me on my arse and really angered the big horse. I guess he was grounded pretty good.

[Greg63]

That is the funniest thing I have read in months.
Thank you and so, so sorry.

[rsavage]

Great story Richard! You should do that story in a stand up comedy routine.

[davischevy]

That has been around here before, but I still laughed all the way through it.

[Killer Bee]

wow, raised on a farm surrounded by lectric fence wire and other than a few minor bzzts soaked with sweat toatin a brush cutter, never got hit like that

[special-K]

My practical mind has me wondering how he fell away from the mower and it still ran till gas was gone when the safety lever on the push bar wasn't being held down

[richard2717]

Safety lever????? pfffft that is what zip ties are for

[davischevy]

Originally Posted by special-K

My practical mind has me wondering how he fell away from the mower and it still ran till gas was gone when the safety lever on the push bar wasn't being held down

K, jokes are like government they don't work if you insert logic.

[special-K]

Why did he think he turned it off if he hadn't? His memory was good enough to not run over the wire and snarl it up in the blade.

Ok, so he was clenching his fist from the electric. But couldn't he just slide the wire through his hand off the broken end?

[Getter-Done]

Richard
I am Glad you are still here with us.
Thanks for the Great transaction we had for the
Suburban doors.
Each Day is a Blessing.
Dwayne

[Steeveedee]

I think that this is in the "Stories of Electroman" and just a funny joke.

[Getter-Done]

What A Relief .
And I don't normally drink Coffee.

[68Timber]

Good stuff. It might be a joke, but that electric fence box really exists, or used to. I don't recall the mfg but my Grandpa had one on his farm that had the picture on it of a cow getting a serious shock. I'd forgotten about that thing until reading this. Thanks for that, good times.

[richard2717]

Just for clarification..... this was a random joke I pulled to post. I have had fence shockers for the horses that I think would do this though. The one we used to have when I was married the 1st time would actually keep the grass cut to the level of the lowest wire so I had it 3" off the ground. Seems most animals are smart enough to know when it is on or off, my cousin.... no so smart. We convinced him that peeing on it would not shock him. He hates us now but was $20 richer after he gathered himself back up.

[Indian113]

We had one on our farm it was called - Weed Eater! I can tell you it did pack a punch because I touched it with my wet leg hunting pheasants one morning. Luckily my shotgun had a safety catch as I tightened up Real Quick!

[special-K]

Been shocked a time or two by a fence when I was younger. Never a nice experience. I think they used to make them more powerful before the safety era kicked in. This is why I always turn the power off before mowing and move all broken fence wire from my mowing path before commencin' to mow. In fact, I fix the broken wire as soon as I see it broken. Richard, you really should learn to follow my example. And this cousin, was his name Richard who now owns a sign Company in the Salsbury, MD area?

[Qammer]

The cases of theft increased in my region, so I decided to put an electric fence. I don't want to check its work on myself, but I think that it will reliably protect me. I just pick a fence, but I came across an article https://bestyardproducts.com/best-el...ence-chargers/ on the Internet. I thought that the electric fence should be connected to my electric network, but I found information on the electric accumulators for the fence on the Internet. I understand that thanks to the battery I can set a safe voltage so as not to kill the thieves, but stop them. In addition, it's convenient if the field is far from home. What do you think about it? How to do better? How does it work for you?

[alsriv2]

I laughed so hard it brought tears to my eyes!
I needed a good laugh.
Thanks for sharing!

[special-K]

Now I get it!

[davischevy]

Originally Posted by special-K

Now I get it!

It took you a while, huh?