another blonde joke

[richard2717]

Jack, a handsome man, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm. He sat down next to this blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV as the 10:00 news came on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.

The blonde looked at Jack and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"

Jack says, "You know what, I bet he will." The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't." Jack placed $30 on the bar and said, "You're on!"

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off of the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset and handed her $30 to Jack, saying, "Fair's fair... Here's your money."

Jack replied, "I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 o'clock news and knew he would jump."

The blonde replies, "I did too; but I didn't think he'd do it again."

Jack took the money.

[Grumpy old man]

Blonde goes to the Dr complaining of total body pain , The Dr asks her to point to where the worst pain is and as she points to different spots she cries OW ,OW ,OW The Dr responds ,Honey you have a broken finger !

[FleetsidePaul]

My wife's blonde. I can't wait to tell her these.

[special-K]

This blonde gal was unsure of her way to the airport so she stopped in to the convenience store for directions. The guy tells her, "You're almost there. It's the next intersection up ahead". She thanks him and speeds off. Not 10 minutes later she comes walking back in the door. The guy asks her what happened, wasn't she going to the airport, didn't she find the intersection? She answers, "The intersection was right up ahead like you said but I was too late. The sign said airport left"

[Wyo George]

Originally Posted by FleetsidePaul

My wife's blonde. I can't wait to tell her these.

Be sure to plan enough time to explain them to her too.

[richard2717]

A policeman was interviewing three blondes who wanted to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he showed the first blonde a picture for five seconds and then hid it. "This is your suspect. How would you recognize him?"

The first blonde answered, "That's easy! We'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"

The policeman said, "Well...uh...that's because the picture shows his profile."

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashed the picture at the second blonde and said, "This is your suspect. How would you recognize him?"

The second blonde giggled, flipped her hair and said, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"

The policeman angrily replied, "What's the matter with you two? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing, because this is a picture of his profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"

Extremely frustrated at this point, he showed the picture to the third blonde and said, in a very testy voice, "This is your suspect. How would you recognize him?" He quickly added, "And think hard before answering, so you don't say something completely idiotic."

The blonde looked at the picture intently for a moment and said, "Hmmmm...The suspect wears contact lenses."

The policeman was stunned speechless, because he honestly didn't know whether the suspect wore contacts or not. "Well, that's an interesting answer...Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file, and I'll get back to you on that." He left the room and went to his office, checked the suspect's file in his computer, and came back beaming. "Wow!" he said, "I can't believe it...It's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! But how were you able to make such an astute observation?"

"That's easy," the blonde replied. "He can't wear regular glasses, because he only has one eye and one ear."

[richard2717]

There was a young couple who lived in a town filled with crime. After three of their neighbors' houses had been robbed, the couple decided to get a guard dog.

So the young wife went to the pet store and said, I need a good guard dog.

The clerk replied, Sorry, we're all sold out. All we have left is this little Scottie dog. But, he does know karate.

The wife didn't believe the clerk, so he said to the dog, Karate that chair.

The dog went up to the chair and broke it into pieces. Then he said to the dog, Karate that table. The dog went up to the table and broke it in half.

So the wife bought the dog and took it home to her husband who was expecting a big guard dog. The husband was of course disappointed and somewhat skeptical about the Scottie dog's abilities as a guard dog.

When she told her husband that the dog knew karate, he said, "Karate my ass!

[richard2717]

There was a young couple who lived in a town filled with crime. After three of their neighbors' houses had been robbed, the couple decided to get a guard dog.

So the young wife went to the pet store and said, I need a good guard dog.

The clerk replied, Sorry, we're all sold out. All we have left is this little Scottie dog. But, he does know karate.

The wife didn't believe the clerk, so he said to the dog, Karate that chair.

The dog went up to the chair and broke it into pieces. Then he said to the dog, Karate that table. The dog went up to the table and broke it in half.

So the wife bought the dog and took it home to her husband who was expecting a big guard dog. The husband was of course disappointed and somewhat skeptical about the Scottie dog's abilities as a guard dog.

When she told her husband that the dog knew karate, he said, "Karate my ass!

[davischevy]

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."

[special-K]

Short & sweet!

[FleetsidePaul]

Originally Posted by special-K

Short & sweet!

That's what she said.

[special-K]

A husband and wife are driving through LA. As they approach Natchitoches they started arguing about the pronunciation of that town. They argued back and forth, then they stopped for lunch there. At the counter, the husband asked the blonde waitress, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are very slowly?" She leaned over the counter and said, "Burrr-gerrr Kiiing"

[special-K]

A blonde goes to the doctor and finds out she is pregnant with twins. She starts crying and the doctor asks her what's wrong. "I know who the father is of one of them but I don't know who the dad is for the other one."

[jeffahart]

How many blonds does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just one... to hold up the bulb and wait for the world to revolve around her!


j

[davischevy]

Originally Posted by special-K

A husband and wife are driving through LA. As they approach Natchitoches they started arguing about the pronunciation of that town. They argued back and forth, then they stopped for lunch there. At the counter, the husband asked the blonde waitress, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are very slowly?" She leaned over the counter and said, "Burrr-gerrr Kiiing"

Do you know the correct pronunciation of Natchitoches. The first time I visited there, I was pronouncing it more like Nacogdoches, TX. I was corrected quickly. The movie Steel Magnolias was filmed there.

[special-K]

Sure, it's Nat-chito-chez. Heck, I can't pronounce Maryland right. I say Mare-ill-end

How to Pronounce Natchitoches - YouTube

[davischevy]

A girl came skipping home from school one day.
"Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!"
"Very good," said her mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde?" the girl said.

"Yes, it's because you're blonde," said the mommy.

The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!"

"Very good," said her mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"

"Yes, it's because you're blonde."

The next day the girl came skipping home from school. Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs.

"Ah, yes, very good," said her embarrassed mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?"

"No dear, it's because you're 24

[Grumpy old man]

Originally Posted by davischevy

A girl came skipping home from school one day.
"Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!"
"Very good," said her mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde?" the girl said.

"Yes, it's because you're blonde," said the mommy.

The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!"

"Very good," said her mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"

"Yes, it's because you're blonde."

The next day the girl came skipping home from school. Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs.

"Ah, yes, very good," said her embarrassed mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?"

"No dear, it's because you're 24

[davischevy]

I had to delete the associated pic Grumpy because I didn't want to get richard2717's thread shut down.

[richard2717]

Originally Posted by davischevy

I had to delete the associated pic Grumpy because I didn't want to get richard2717's thread shut down.

[special-K]

Originally Posted by Grumpy old man

Plenty of that in other threads today

Actually, I think saying it was porn was just a way to increase the chance of some fool clicking on a link. It's not phishing to simply share a porn site. It's actually a kind gesture