Post your keep up with Richard funnies

[Steeveedee]

Two guys walk into a bakery.
One steals three pastries and puts them in his pockets.
He turns to his friend and says,
” Pretty slick eh? The owner didn’t even see me.”
Unimpressed, the one guy replies, ” Mate I’m gonna show you the honest way and still get the same result.”
He calls the owner of the shop over and says, “Mate, I want to show you a magic trick.”
Intrigued, the owner obliges. He asks him for a pastry, which he promptly eats, then asks him for another, and he eats that too.
He asks for a third pastry, which he eats also.
By now, the owner says, ” C’mon mate, where’s the magic trick ? ”
The guy replies, pointing to the other guy, ” Check his pockets . . .

[Palf70Step]

[CG]

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[Ol Blue K20]

Originally Posted by CG

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I like that post too........

[Getter-Done]

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[richard2717]

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[LockDoc]

-
Cowboy Bob appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.

'Have you ever done anything of particular merit?' St. Peter asked.

'Well, I can think of one thing,' the cowboy offered.

'On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota , I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled, 'Now, back off or I'll kick the sh** out of all of you!'

St. Peter was impressed, 'When did this happen?'

'A couple a minutes ago.'

[Ol Blue K20]

Oops!!! LOL

[LockDoc]

-
It's all about getting old.....

When I was younger all I wanted was a nice BMW. Now I don't care about the W...


MARRIAGE SEMINAR

While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,

Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,

'It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes.'

He addressed Tom,

'Can you name your wife's favorite flower?'

Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, 'It's Pillsbury, isn't it?

[Steeveedee]

A drunk at the county fair managed to throw enough darts to pop balloons to win a prize, which was a small turtle. He leaves and wanders around a bit, then returns and manages to pop even more balloons, and is awarded a stuffed animals. He responds, "I'd really rather have another one of those crunchy meat pies!"

[Ol Blue K20]

Originally Posted by Steeveedee

A drunk at the county fair managed to throw enough darts to pop balloons to win a prize, which was a small turtle. He leaves and wanders around a bit, then returns and manages to pop even more balloons, and is awarded a stuffed animals. He responds, "I'd really rather have another one of those crunchy meat pies!"

EEEWWWWW!!!!!

[richard2717]

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[Getter-Done]

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[richard2717]

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[Ol Blue K20]

Originally Posted by richard2717

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Oops!! I guess not!

[LockDoc]

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I just had a call from a charity asking me to donate some of my clothes to
the starving people throughout the world.

I told them to kiss my arse. Anybody who fits into my clothes isn't starving.

[LockDoc]

-
A minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great emphasis he said, 'If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.'

With even greater emphasis he said, 'And if I had All the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.'

And then finally, with a booming voice and shaking his fist in the air, he said, 'And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.'

Sermon complete, he sat down

The choir leader stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, nearly laughing, 'For our closing hymn, Let us sing hymn number 365, 'Shall We Gather At The River.'

LockDoc

[LockDoc]

-
What is a woman?

A real woman is a man's best friend. She will
never stand him up and never let him down. She
will reassure him when he feels insecure and
comfort him after a bad day. She will inspire
him to do things he never thought he could
do; to live without fear and forget regret. She
will enable him to express his deepest
emotions and give in to his most intimate
desires. She will make sure he always feels as
though he's the most handsome man in the room
and will enable him to be the most confident,
sexy, seductive, invincible...


No, wait... AAHH, UMMM, NAHHH, I'm thinking of Whiskey....

Never mind.

[Steeveedee]

Yeah, that's a lot like comparing women to beer. Like, what's the difference between a beer and a woman? The beer doesn't care if you have another one. It goes downhill fast, from here.

[davischevy]

Originally Posted by Steeveedee

Yeah, that's a lot like comparing women to beer. Like, what's the difference between a beer and a woman? The beer doesn't care if you have another one. It goes downhill fast, from here.

No matter, your going to wake up the next day and wish you hadn't done it.

[1976gmc20]

Originally Posted by LockDoc

-
What is a woman?

A real woman is a man's best friend. She will
never stand him up and never let him down. She
will reassure him when he feels insecure and
comfort him after a bad day. She will inspire
him to do things he never thought he could
do; to live without fear and forget regret. She
will enable him to express his deepest
emotions and give in to his most intimate
desires. She will make sure he always feels as
though he's the most handsome man in the room
and will enable him to be the most confident,
sexy, seductive, invincible...


No, wait... AAHH, UMMM, NAHHH, I'm thinking of Whiskey....

Never mind.

This makes me think of that Highway 101 song ….

[72c20customcamper]

Dont think I've ever been that drunk

[Chevyland]

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=JTE1tvjR3Rc

[Steeveedee]

Originally Posted by Chevyland

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=JTE1tvjR3Rc

[joe dirt]

so usefull