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Old 11-19-2017, 05:51 PM   #1
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Drunk Guy Walks Into Bar

A drunk guy walks into this bar, no money, wants a beer. Bartender says "Ya gotta pay". The drunk asks "If I throw this dart in the bullseye from here, would you give a beer?" "All right, I gotta see this". The drunk nails it, the bartender slides him a beer, figures he'll mess with him a little and says "That was so good you win a prize" and pulls a turtle out of a box. The drunk guzzles the beer, and the bartender tells him to get on out. The next night the drunk walks by and sees it's a different bartender, so he tries it again. This bartender takes him up and sure enough the drunk was dead-on. The bartender hands him his beer and tells him "Drink that up and hit the road". The drunk says in a disappointed voice "The other bartender gave me a prize". Somewhat amused, the bartender asks the drunk "Oh really? So what was this prize?" and the drunk says "A rare roast beef on a hard roll"
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Old 11-19-2017, 10:22 PM   #2
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Re: Drunk Guy Walks Into Bar

Want another funny joke?

An Irishman walks out of a bar.

That's it
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Old 11-19-2017, 10:53 PM   #3
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Re: Drunk Guy Walks Into Bar

A Priest, a Rabbi and a Reverend walk into a bar.

The bartender says "What's this? Some kind of Joke?"
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Old 11-19-2017, 11:48 PM   #4
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Re: Drunk Guy Walks Into Bar

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Old 11-20-2017, 12:09 AM   #5
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Re: Drunk Guy Walks Into Bar

A guy walks into a bar, orders 12 shots and starts drinking them as fast as he can.

The bartender asks, "Dang, why are you drinking so fast?"

The guy says, "You would be drinking fast, too, if you had what I had."

The bartender asks, "What do you have?"

The guy says, "75 cents."
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Old 11-20-2017, 01:20 AM   #6
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Re: Drunk Guy Walks Into Bar



A man walked into a bar.







He said "ouch!"
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Old 11-20-2017, 11:47 AM   #7
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Re: Drunk Guy Walks Into Bar

Bars are funny places, especially just before closing time.
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Old 11-21-2017, 06:38 AM   #8
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Re: Drunk Guy Walks Into Bar

Aguywalksintoabar. Ok, now that we got that part over with. "Hey bartender, I'll bet you 20 bucks I can bite my eye". "What the...? Ok, entertain me, you're on". The guy pops his glass eye out, bites it and pops it in. "Pretty disgusting, but here's your twenty". "Yeah, I know. How about another bet? 50 bucks says I can bite my other eye". "WTF, ok, whatever, you're on". Guy takes his false teeth and bites his other eye. "Holy crap, you gross SOB. Here's your fifty, now get out of here". "Ok, ok, sorry about that. I'll give ya a chance to make it back. I bet you $100 I can stand on the end of the bar and pee into a pitcher at the other end without missing a drop". "Yeah right! Ain't no way. You are on!" Guy climbs up and pees a stream from himself to the pitcher maybe getting a few drops in. The bartender is wiping it right up, comes to the guy with hand out,
"Ok buddy, you lose, I finally the got the best of it. Hand over the hundred and git". "Yeah, you got your hundred alright. But earlier I bet those five guys over at that table $100 each I could hop up on the bar, pee all over it, and you'd wipe it up with a smile"
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Last edited by special-K; 11-21-2017 at 08:14 AM.
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Old 11-21-2017, 07:44 AM   #9
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Re: Drunk Guy Walks Into Bar

guy walks into a bar, sits down and says "10 shots of whiskey, fast please".

Bartender pours ten shots and asks "Why are you in a hurry?"

guy slams them down right quick and says "you'd be in a hurry if you had what I have"

bartender asks him "What do you have?"

guy slurs out "seventy five cents" and leaves
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Old 02-25-2018, 10:37 AM   #10
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Re: Drunk Guy Walks Into Bar

Drunk guy walks into bar.

Sees the woman he has always dreamed of.

Walks up to her and says the four words he will regret the rest of his life.

And these four words are...

http://67-72chevytrucks.com/vboard/s...d.php?t=750697

Hey, sorry. I was searching my old threads for something and found this, and...
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Old 02-25-2018, 11:26 AM   #11
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Re: Drunk Guy Walks Into Bar

Quote:
Originally Posted by 68C15 View Post
Want another funny joke?

An Irishman walks out of a bar.

That's it
Seriously IT can Happen!
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Old 02-25-2018, 12:46 PM   #12
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Re: Drunk Guy Walks Into Bar

1st guy: An Irishman walks into a bar and....

2nd guy interrupts: Wait, when did he leave? Bwah hah hah

1st guy: Bwah hah hah

Everybody else in the bar: Bwah hah hah

Including Irishman: Bwah hah hah
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Old 02-25-2018, 09:32 PM   #13
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Re: Drunk Guy Walks Into Bar

Believe it or not but I have a non drinking friend in Dublin Ireland but his wife makes up for it .
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Old 02-26-2018, 12:38 AM   #14
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Re: Drunk Guy Walks Into Bar

A gorilla walks into a bar and orders a beer. Bartender says, thatíll be 20 bucks. Gorilla pays him. Bartender says, you know, we donít get many gorillas in here. Gorilla says, at 20 bucks a beer, Iím not surprised.
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Old 02-26-2018, 08:37 AM   #15
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Re: Drunk Guy Walks Into Bar

Quote:
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Believe it or not but I have a non drinking friend in Dublin Ireland but his wife makes up for it .
Do what? Are you saying you know a person of Irish descent who isn't a drunk, doesn't even drink? WOW!! That's what I find interesting. Of course Irish people are people, too. Some drink, some don't, and some more than others...same as other people. What I find interesting is we can pin this stereotype on a whole people and I have never heard an Irish person take offense. This only reinforces another more positive stereotype of them being good natured friendly accommodating people.
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Old 02-26-2018, 12:07 PM   #16
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Re: Drunk Guy Walks Into Bar

When the cannibal showed up late to the luncheon, they gave him the cold shoulder.

Greg
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Old 02-26-2018, 12:36 PM   #17
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Re: Drunk Guy Walks Into Bar

A horse walks into a bar. The barkeep says "Why the long face"!
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Old 02-26-2018, 01:13 PM   #18
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Re: Drunk Guy Walks Into Bar

A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. When the bartender brings his drink he pays, then reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The bartender is watching and after another sip, the guy reaches into another pocket and pulls out a lizard and sets it on the bar. The Lizard stretches walks over to the piano and sits down and begins to play. A guy down the bar has been watching all of this happen and is fascinated, so he moves down next to the guy so he can watch better. After a couple of minutes the guy again reaches into his pocket and pulls out a mouse. The mouse walks over leans against the piano and begins to sing. The other patron tells the guy, "that's an amazing act you have there. Would you consider selling ?" The guys says no but the other patron begins to badger him until finally he says, "I'll tell you what, I'll sell you the mouse for a $1000." The guy can't get the money out of his pocket quick enough, takes the mouse and heads out the door. The bartender stands there stunned for a minute then says, "I don't believe you broke up that act". The guy replies, "It's no big deal really, the Lizard is a ventriloquist".
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Old 02-27-2018, 06:01 PM   #19
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Re: Drunk Guy Walks Into Bar

Lmao
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Old 03-14-2018, 05:49 PM   #20
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Re: Drunk Guy Walks Into Bar

No one can top that last one PanelDeland.
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Old 03-14-2018, 07:22 PM   #21
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Re: Drunk Guy Walks Into Bar

You guys are killing me!!
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Old 03-14-2018, 08:43 PM   #22
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Re: Drunk Guy Walks Into Bar

Quote:
Originally Posted by Greg58 View Post
A horse walks into a bar. The barkeep says "Why the long face"!
NSFW

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2J_oBzvpa6E
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Old 03-15-2018, 07:24 AM   #23
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Re: Drunk Guy Walks Into Bar

Drunk guy wakes up in back of truck...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4TXgG92gX98
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Old 03-15-2018, 09:03 AM   #24
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Re: Drunk Guy Walks Into Bar

A guy walks into this bar with a monkey and says, "Hey barkeep, a mug o' ale fer me an' a some peanuts fer me monkey." Bar tender serves them and the guy casually sips at the ale. Meanwhile, the monkey takes a peanut from the basket at studies it intently. The monkey cracks open the shell and examines the nut. The bar tender is intrigued and the guy just quietly sips at his ale. The monkey seems perplexed as if it isn't sure what to do with the nut but then it reaches carefully around and holds the nut next to its ass, studies it for a minute then pops the nut in its mouth and swallows it. This curious routine is repeated until the basket of nuts is nearly gone and the guy says again, "Hey barkeep, 'ow 'bout another ale fer me an' a basket o' nuts for me chimp". The bar tender serves the guy and brings another basket of nuts but he can't resist asking about the monkeys behavior.
"Tell me sir, the bar tender said, why does the monkey hold each nut up to his ass, then eat it?
The guy replied, "Well, last time I took'm to a bar, he swallowed a pool ball. Now he measures his food before he swallows it!"

Last edited by Richard2112; 03-15-2018 at 09:09 AM.
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Old 03-15-2018, 10:58 PM   #25
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Re: Drunk Guy Walks Into Bar

My wife laughed at the ventriloquist one.

I'm sure she will get a kick out of the monkey too.
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