Post your keep up with Richard funnies

[Boog]

Errt

[Killer Bee]

[richard2717]

Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor went to check on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea. As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a condom! When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist. "Miss Beatrice", he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl. "Oh, yes" she replied, "isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter!"
And the pastor fainted

[Palf70Step]

[richard2717]

111

[truckster]

Originally Posted by Getter-Done

now.
Attachment 1989914

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It happens to me more often than I'd like to admit.

[richard2717]

..2

[richard2717]

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender " What do you have to do around here for a free drink ?" the bartender replied "There's no free drinks around here " So the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a gerbil and a small piano and the gerbil starts to play the most beautiful song ,Well the bartender says, Now that's worth a free drink , Is that gerbil for sale ?" As the man is sipping his free drink he replies" No, But I do have something you may be interested in and he then pulls a frog from his pocket and as the gerbil plays the piano the frog starts to sing ! Now the bartender is really interested and buys the man another drink and asks "Well , if you won't sell the gerbil is that frog for sale ?" And the man replies "why yes I will sell this singing frog for $500.00 " Well the bartender quickly pays the man $500.00 for the frog and tells the man "Buddy , I think you may have just screwed yourself by selling me this singing frog " And the man replies " Well ,Not really the gerbils a ventriloquist !"

[richard2717]

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[richard2717]

,,,

[Boog]

Sert

[Boog]

Who needs toilet paper?

[Boog]

Corona bullying

[richard2717]

...

[Boog]

Woohoo!

[richard2717]

...

[Killer Bee]

[Killer Bee]

[richard2717]

Jack, a handsome man, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm. He sat down next to this blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV as the 10:00 news came on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.




The blonde looked at Jack and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"

Jack says, "You know what, I bet he will." The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't." Jack placed $30 on the bar and said, "You're on!"

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off of the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset and handed her $30 to Jack, saying, "Fair's fair... Here's your money."

Jack replied, "I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 o'clock news and knew he would jump."

The blonde replies, "I did too; but I didn't think he'd do it again."

Jack took the money.

[richard2717]

A judge was interviewing a lady regarding her pending divorce, and asked, “What are the grounds for your divorce?”

She replied, “About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by.”

“No,” he said, “I mean what is the foundation of this case?”

“It is made of concrete, brick and mortar,” she responded.

“I mean,” he continued, “What are your relations like?”

“I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband’s parents.”

He said, “Do you have a real grudge?”

“No,” she replied, “We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one.”

“Please,” he tried again, “is there any infidelity in your marriage?”

“Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don’t necessarily like the music, but the answer to your question is ‘yes’.”

“Ma’am, does your husband ever beat you up?”

“Yes,” she responded, “about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do.”

Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, “Lady, why do you want a divorce?”

“Oh, I don’t want a divorce,” she replied. “I’ve never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can’t communicate with me.”

[richard2717]

At school, Little Johnny's classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it's very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth." Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out.

Johnny's mother greets him at home, and he tells her, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father."

Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."

Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth." The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!"

[richard2717]

A local bar regular had been drinking all night. This particular night the regular drank a little more than usual.

The bartender finally says that the bar is closing. So the regular stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He tries to stand one more time, same result. He figures he’ll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up.

Once outside he stands up and falls flat on his face. So he decides to crawl the 3 blocks to his home and when he arrives at the door, he stands up and falls flat on his face.

He crawls through the door into his bedroom. When he reaches his bed, he tries one more time to stand up. This time he manages to pull himself upright but he quickly falls right into bed and is sound asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow.

He awakens the next morning to his wife standing over him shouting loudly.

“So, you’ve been out drinking again!!” “What makes you say that?” He asks as he puts on an innocent look. “The bar called, you left your wheelchair there again.”

[richard2717]

Two newlyweds quickly realized their marriage wasn’t working and filed for a divorce. The judge asked them what the problem was.

The husband replied: “In the five weeks that we’ve been together, we haven’t been able to agree on a single thing.”

The judge turned to the wife: “Have you anything to say?”

She answered: “It’s been six weeks, your honor.”

[richard2717]

A strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of Morris, one of the older workmen.

After several days, Morris had enough. “Why don’t you put your money where your mouth is?” he said. “I will bet a week’s wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won’t be able to wheel back.”

“You’re on, old man,” the braggart replied. “It’s a bet! Let’s see what you got.”

Morris reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, “All right. Get your ass in the ****ing wheelbarrow hot shot.”

[Indian113]

Bob was driving down the city street and all of a sudden his front wheel on passenger side made a bunch of noise! He got out of the car and checked it out realizing all but one of his lug nuts had worked their way off the wheel and the last one was loose. He stood there just looking at it for 10 minutes wondering what to do. He felt like someone was watching him and he looked up to see a man behind a fence. A sign on the fence said it was a Mental Hospital so he really tried to ignore him. The guy calmly said- Take one off of each the other wheels and that way you will have 4 on each wheel!. Bob said your pretty smart what are you doing in there? The guy said just because I'm Crazy doesn't mean I'm Stupid!