Post your keep up with Richard funnies - Page 60 - The 1947 - Present Chevrolet & GMC Truck Message Board Network

**richard2717** · 03-18-2020, 05:46 PM

In the back woods of Montana, the redneck's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to be a lantern and said, "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I'm doing."

Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world.

"Whoa there," said the doctor. "Don't be in a rush to put the lantern down... I think there's yet another one to come." Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl.

"No, no, don't be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern... It seems there's yet another one in there!" cried the doctor.

The Redneck scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor, "Do you think it's the light that's attractin' 'em?

**richard2717** · 03-19-2020, 11:38 AM

A young ventriloquist is touring Sweden and puts on a show in a small
fishing town. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual
dumb blonde jokes.

Suddenly, a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts
shouting, "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you
think you can stereotype Swedish blonde women that way? What does the color
of a woman's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It’s men like
you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the
community, and from reaching our full potential as people. Its people like
you that make others think that all blondes are dumb! You and your kind
continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in
general, pathetically all in the name of humor !"

The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize , and the blonde yells:

"You stay out of this! ......I'm talking to that little **** on your lap"

**richard2717** · 03-19-2020, 06:50 PM

...

**richard2717** · 03-19-2020, 06:52 PM

,,,

**richard2717** · 03-19-2020, 06:53 PM

,.,.,,

**Getter-Done** · 03-19-2020, 09:02 PM

.

.

**Boog** · 03-19-2020, 11:02 PM

Somethings gotta give

**Boog** · 03-19-2020, 11:05 PM

Hello governor?

**richard2717** · 03-20-2020, 10:41 AM

Yesterday, I wore my Korea Veteran cap to Wal-Mart. There was nothing in particular that I needed at the world's largest retailer; but, since I retired, trips to "Wally World" to look at the Walmartians is always good for some comic relief. Besides, I always feel pretty normal after seeing some of the people that frequent the establishment. But, I digress, . . . enough of my psychological fixations.

While standing in line to check out, the guy in front of me, probably in his early thirties, asked, "Are you a Viet Nam Vet?"
"No," I replied.

"Then why are you wearing that cap?"

"Because I couldn't find the one from the War of 1812 . . ." I thought it was a snappy retort.

"The War of 1812, huh?" the Walmartian queried, "When was that?"

God forgive me, but I couldn't pass up such an opportunity. "1946," I answered as straight-faced as possible.

He pondered my response for a moment and responded, "Why do they call it the War of 1812 if it was in 1946?"

"It was a Black Op. No one is supposed to know about it." This was beginning to be way fun!

"Dude! Really?" He exclaimed. "How did you get to do something that COOOOL?"

I glanced furtively around me for effect, leaned toward the guy and in a low voice said, "I'm not sure. I was
the only Caucasian on the mission."

"Dude," he was really getting excited about what he was hearing, "that is seriously awesome! But, didn't you kind
of stand out?"

"Not really. The other guys were wearing white camouflage."

The moron nodded knowingly.

"Listen man," I said in a very serious tone, "You can't tell anyone about this. It's still 'top secret' and I shouldn't
have said anything."

"Oh yeah?" he gave me the 'don't threaten me look.' "Like, what's gonna happen if I do?"

With a really hard look I said, "You have a family don't you? We wouldn't want anything to happen to them, would we?"

The guy gulped, left his basket where it was and fled through the door. The lady behind me started laughing so hard
I thought she was about to have a heart attack. I just grinned at her. After checking out and going to the parking lot,
I saw dimwit leaning in a car window talking to a young woman. Upon catching sight of me he started pointing excitedly
in my direction.

Giving him another 'deadly' serious look, I made the 'I see you' gesture. He turned kind of pale, jumped in the car and
sped out of the parking lot.

And these people VOTE!

What a great time! Tomorrow I'm going back wearing my Homeland Security cap.

Then the next day I will go to the driver's license bureau wearing my Border Patrol hat, and see how long it takes to empty the place. Whoever said retirement is boring? You just need to wear the right kind of cap!

See you guys at Walmart!!

**Boog** · 03-20-2020, 11:22 AM

That’s funny as heck right there! We can just see that conversation.

**Steeveedee** · 03-22-2020, 11:39 AM

I discovered two lumps on my car battery.

I've had them tested and there was a positive result.

I hope it's not terminal.

Astro-Balls · 03-22-2020, 02:58 PM

My Neighbor asked if I had any face masks,
I said she should try Dryer Sheets..
Maybe she will give me less Static and might reduce her Wrinkles...

1976gmc20 · 03-22-2020, 03:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Steeveedee

I discovered two lumps on my car battery.

I've had them tested and there was a positive result.

I hope it's not terminal.

Thanks! I got a charge out of that

**davischevy** · 03-22-2020, 04:29 PM

True Story.

Ole Troy is a 75 year old retired local barber that stands about 6' 6" and was quite a basketball player in high school.

He was in a restaurant up in Missouri a while back and a college basketball team came in. He knew they were having a tournament in town, so when he passed one of the boys he said "You boys in town for the basketball tournament?" The kid said condescendingly "No we are tennis players."

Now Troy had been a barber for fifty years and had dealt with smartasses before. He fired right back "Yeah, tennis is OK, but it's kind of a sissies game, I prefer basketball. Yeah, Basketball is my game, I used to play for the Detroit Pistons." and walked away.

The kid went to his table and the team was still trying to figure out who Troy was when he left the restaurant.

**Steeveedee** · 03-22-2020, 06:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 1976gmc20

Thanks! I got a charge out of that

Couldn't resist, eh?

Killer Bee · 03-23-2020, 12:10 PM

Killer Bee · 03-23-2020, 12:11 PM

Killer Bee · 03-23-2020, 12:12 PM

**Boog** · 03-23-2020, 12:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Steeveedee

Couldn't resist, eh?

Well I’m shocked!

**Steeveedee** · 03-23-2020, 04:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Boog

Well I’m shocked!

Let's see what this place's capacity is for extended puns...

Killer Bee · 03-23-2020, 04:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Steeveedee

Let's see what this place's capacity is for extended puns...

and maintain continuity

**Boog** · 03-23-2020, 04:38 PM

We’re sure to get a charge out of that.

**truckster** · 03-23-2020, 06:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Steeveedee

Let's see what this place's capacity is for extended puns...

As long as they're well-grounded.

**Steeveedee** · 03-23-2020, 08:06 PM

Could be inducted into the hall of fame!

**davischevy** · 03-23-2020, 08:12 PM

Somebody will short circuit sooner or later.

03-18-2020, 05:46 PM	#1476
richard2717 Equal opportunity joke ofender Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: Eastern Shore of MD Posts: 9,884	Re: Post your keep up with Richard funnies In the back woods of Montana, the redneck's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to be a lantern and said, "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I'm doing." Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world. "Whoa there," said the doctor. "Don't be in a rush to put the lantern down... I think there's yet another one to come." Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl. "No, no, don't be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern... It seems there's yet another one in there!" cried the doctor. The Redneck scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor, "Do you think it's the light that's attractin' 'em? __________________ Members I have met. Dually Jams, OlBlue60, ScottH, Tommyboy24, Dujobo, Warbucket, 2003 Silverado, Notsolo, my90k5, 6t727t2, Special-K ,Jack_71C10, tabarcus,72blazer_mud_bogger,pwdcougar,RSavage,EricSean,1Rippen6,invicta455,tennaragtop71,arks, Kendal,Bennett68C10, Perpendicular, Chainsawman, McGeesCustomMinis,ShortbedClayton,longblue72,6768chevylover,Tim71,Travisarmenta,Ol' Drippy,fleetmitch,georgieb51,Dave,bcnya2,Dadsburb https://paypal.me/6772GMtruckparts Most women like the strong, silent type… Fortunately for me, my wife prefers the out-of-shape, mouthy type.

03-19-2020, 11:38 AM	#1477
richard2717 Equal opportunity joke ofender Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: Eastern Shore of MD Posts: 9,884	Re: Post your keep up with Richard funnies A young ventriloquist is touring Sweden and puts on a show in a small fishing town. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes. Suddenly, a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting, "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype Swedish blonde women that way? What does the color of a woman's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It’s men like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community, and from reaching our full potential as people. Its people like you that make others think that all blondes are dumb! You and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general, pathetically all in the name of humor !" The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize , and the blonde yells: "You stay out of this! ......I'm talking to that little ** on your lap" __________________ Members I have met. Dually Jams, OlBlue60, ScottH, Tommyboy24, Dujobo, Warbucket, 2003 Silverado, Notsolo, my90k5, 6t727t2, Special-K ,Jack_71C10, tabarcus,72blazer_mud_bogger,pwdcougar,RSavage,EricSean,1Rippen6,invicta455,tennaragtop71,arks, Kendal,Bennett68C10, Perpendicular, Chainsawman, McGeesCustomMinis,ShortbedClayton,longblue72,6768chevylover,Tim71,Travisarmenta,Ol' Drippy,fleetmitch,georgieb51,Dave,bcnya2,Dadsburb https://paypal.me/6772GMtruckparts** Most women like the strong, silent type… Fortunately for me, my wife prefers the out-of-shape, mouthy type.

03-19-2020, 06:50 PM	#1478
richard2717 Equal opportunity joke ofender Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: Eastern Shore of MD Posts: 9,884	Re: Post your keep up with Richard funnies ... Attached Images __________________ Members I have met. Dually Jams, OlBlue60, ScottH, Tommyboy24, Dujobo, Warbucket, 2003 Silverado, Notsolo, my90k5, 6t727t2, Special-K ,Jack_71C10, tabarcus,72blazer_mud_bogger,pwdcougar,RSavage,EricSean,1Rippen6,invicta455,tennaragtop71,arks, Kendal,Bennett68C10, Perpendicular, Chainsawman, McGeesCustomMinis,ShortbedClayton,longblue72,6768chevylover,Tim71,Travisarmenta,Ol' Drippy,fleetmitch,georgieb51,Dave,bcnya2,Dadsburb https://paypal.me/6772GMtruckparts Most women like the strong, silent type… Fortunately for me, my wife prefers the out-of-shape, mouthy type.

03-19-2020, 06:52 PM	#1479
richard2717 Equal opportunity joke ofender Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: Eastern Shore of MD Posts: 9,884	Re: Post your keep up with Richard funnies ,,, Attached Images __________________ Members I have met. Dually Jams, OlBlue60, ScottH, Tommyboy24, Dujobo, Warbucket, 2003 Silverado, Notsolo, my90k5, 6t727t2, Special-K ,Jack_71C10, tabarcus,72blazer_mud_bogger,pwdcougar,RSavage,EricSean,1Rippen6,invicta455,tennaragtop71,arks, Kendal,Bennett68C10, Perpendicular, Chainsawman, McGeesCustomMinis,ShortbedClayton,longblue72,6768chevylover,Tim71,Travisarmenta,Ol' Drippy,fleetmitch,georgieb51,Dave,bcnya2,Dadsburb https://paypal.me/6772GMtruckparts Most women like the strong, silent type… Fortunately for me, my wife prefers the out-of-shape, mouthy type. Last edited by LockDoc; 03-19-2020 at 08:54 PM.

03-19-2020, 06:53 PM	#1480
richard2717 Equal opportunity joke ofender Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: Eastern Shore of MD Posts: 9,884	Re: Post your keep up with Richard funnies ,.,.,, Attached Images __________________ Members I have met. Dually Jams, OlBlue60, ScottH, Tommyboy24, Dujobo, Warbucket, 2003 Silverado, Notsolo, my90k5, 6t727t2, Special-K ,Jack_71C10, tabarcus,72blazer_mud_bogger,pwdcougar,RSavage,EricSean,1Rippen6,invicta455,tennaragtop71,arks, Kendal,Bennett68C10, Perpendicular, Chainsawman, McGeesCustomMinis,ShortbedClayton,longblue72,6768chevylover,Tim71,Travisarmenta,Ol' Drippy,fleetmitch,georgieb51,Dave,bcnya2,Dadsburb https://paypal.me/6772GMtruckparts Most women like the strong, silent type… Fortunately for me, my wife prefers the out-of-shape, mouthy type.

03-19-2020, 09:02 PM	#1481
Getter-Done Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: TN. Posts: 7,735	Re: Post your keep up with Richard funnies . . __________________ ________________________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________ 84 Chevy K-20 63 Impala (my high school car) http://67-72chevytrucks.com/vboard/s...Crew Cab Build

03-19-2020, 11:02 PM	#1482
Boog laying low Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: Searcy, Ark. USA Posts: 12,957	Re: Post your keep up with Richard funnies Somethings gotta give Attached Images __________________ Boog 69 Chevy stepside, 358/T350, 4.11 posi, 4.5/4 drop, rallys, poboy driver primer is finer 91 Chevy sportside, Tahoe, Yukon & GMC Crewcab All GM..'nuff said. I stand for the flag and kneel at the cross

03-19-2020, 11:05 PM	#1483
Boog laying low Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: Searcy, Ark. USA Posts: 12,957	Re: Post your keep up with Richard funnies Hello governor? Attached Images __________________ Boog 69 Chevy stepside, 358/T350, 4.11 posi, 4.5/4 drop, rallys, poboy driver primer is finer 91 Chevy sportside, Tahoe, Yukon & GMC Crewcab All GM..'nuff said. I stand for the flag and kneel at the cross

03-20-2020, 10:41 AM	#1484
richard2717 Equal opportunity joke ofender Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: Eastern Shore of MD Posts: 9,884	Re: Post your keep up with Richard funnies Yesterday, I wore my Korea Veteran cap to Wal-Mart. There was nothing in particular that I needed at the world's largest retailer; but, since I retired, trips to "Wally World" to look at the Walmartians is always good for some comic relief. Besides, I always feel pretty normal after seeing some of the people that frequent the establishment. But, I digress, . . . enough of my psychological fixations. While standing in line to check out, the guy in front of me, probably in his early thirties, asked, "Are you a Viet Nam Vet?" "No," I replied. "Then why are you wearing that cap?" "Because I couldn't find the one from the War of 1812 . . ." I thought it was a snappy retort. "The War of 1812, huh?" the Walmartian queried, "When was that?" God forgive me, but I couldn't pass up such an opportunity. "1946," I answered as straight-faced as possible. He pondered my response for a moment and responded, "Why do they call it the War of 1812 if it was in 1946?" "It was a Black Op. No one is supposed to know about it." This was beginning to be way fun! "Dude! Really?" He exclaimed. "How did you get to do something that COOOOL?" I glanced furtively around me for effect, leaned toward the guy and in a low voice said, "I'm not sure. I was the only Caucasian on the mission." "Dude," he was really getting excited about what he was hearing, "that is seriously awesome! But, didn't you kind of stand out?" "Not really. The other guys were wearing white camouflage." The moron nodded knowingly. "Listen man," I said in a very serious tone, "You can't tell anyone about this. It's still 'top secret' and I shouldn't have said anything." "Oh yeah?" he gave me the 'don't threaten me look.' "Like, what's gonna happen if I do?" With a really hard look I said, "You have a family don't you? We wouldn't want anything to happen to them, would we?" The guy gulped, left his basket where it was and fled through the door. The lady behind me started laughing so hard I thought she was about to have a heart attack. I just grinned at her. After checking out and going to the parking lot, I saw dimwit leaning in a car window talking to a young woman. Upon catching sight of me he started pointing excitedly in my direction. Giving him another 'deadly' serious look, I made the 'I see you' gesture. He turned kind of pale, jumped in the car and sped out of the parking lot. And these people VOTE! What a great time! Tomorrow I'm going back wearing my Homeland Security cap. Then the next day I will go to the driver's license bureau wearing my Border Patrol hat, and see how long it takes to empty the place. Whoever said retirement is boring? You just need to wear the right kind of cap! See you guys at Walmart!! __________________ Members I have met. Dually Jams, OlBlue60, ScottH, Tommyboy24, Dujobo, Warbucket, 2003 Silverado, Notsolo, my90k5, 6t727t2, Special-K ,Jack_71C10, tabarcus,72blazer_mud_bogger,pwdcougar,RSavage,EricSean,1Rippen6,invicta455,tennaragtop71,arks, Kendal,Bennett68C10, Perpendicular, Chainsawman, McGeesCustomMinis,ShortbedClayton,longblue72,6768chevylover,Tim71,Travisarmenta,Ol' Drippy,fleetmitch,georgieb51,Dave,bcnya2,Dadsburb https://paypal.me/6772GMtruckparts Most women like the strong, silent type… Fortunately for me, my wife prefers the out-of-shape, mouthy type.

03-20-2020, 11:22 AM	#1485
Boog laying low Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: Searcy, Ark. USA Posts: 12,957	Re: Post your keep up with Richard funnies That’s funny as heck right there! We can just see that conversation. __________________ Boog 69 Chevy stepside, 358/T350, 4.11 posi, 4.5/4 drop, rallys, poboy driver primer is finer 91 Chevy sportside, Tahoe, Yukon & GMC Crewcab All GM..'nuff said. I stand for the flag and kneel at the cross Last edited by Boog; 03-20-2020 at 11:59 AM.

03-22-2020, 11:39 AM	#1486
Steeveedee Who Changed This? Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: Simi Valley, CA Posts: 10,102	Re: Post your keep up with Richard funnies I discovered two lumps on my car battery. I've had them tested and there was a positive result. I hope it's not terminal. __________________ ~Steven '70 Chevy 3/4T Longhorn CST 402/400/3.56 Custom Camper Simi Valley, CA

03-22-2020, 02:58 PM	#1487
Astro-Balls Registered User Join Date: Feb 2019 Location: Nor Cal Posts: 822	Re: Post your keep up with Richard funnies My Neighbor asked if I had any face masks, I said she should try Dryer Sheets.. Maybe she will give me less Static and might reduce her Wrinkles... __________________ 1968 C20 Fleetside 396 4sp PS PB AC CST . https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RWK8GgWD4uA

03-22-2020, 04:29 PM	#1489
davischevy Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Harrison, Arkansas Posts: 9,790	Re: Post your keep up with Richard funnies True Story. Ole Troy is a 75 year old retired local barber that stands about 6' 6" and was quite a basketball player in high school. He was in a restaurant up in Missouri a while back and a college basketball team came in. He knew they were having a tournament in town, so when he passed one of the boys he said "You boys in town for the basketball tournament?" The kid said condescendingly "No we are tennis players." Now Troy had been a barber for fifty years and had dealt with smartasses before. He fired right back "Yeah, tennis is OK, but it's kind of a sissies game, I prefer basketball. Yeah, Basketball is my game, I used to play for the Detroit Pistons." and walked away. The kid went to his table and the team was still trying to figure out who Troy was when he left the restaurant. __________________ other Larry Build thread, Arkansas K10 https://67-72chevytrucks.com/vboard/...=755797&page=5 The ability to speak several languages is an asset, but the ability to keep your mouth shut in any language is priceless.

03-23-2020, 12:10 PM	#1491
Killer Bee Registered User Join Date: Jan 2016 Location: Barber City, CA Posts: 4,729	Re: Post your keep up with Richard funnies __________________ *I started out with nothing - and I still have most of it*

03-23-2020, 12:11 PM	#1492
Killer Bee Registered User Join Date: Jan 2016 Location: Barber City, CA Posts: 4,729	Re: Post your keep up with Richard funnies __________________ *I started out with nothing - and I still have most of it*



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03-23-2020, 12:12 PM	#1493
Killer Bee Registered User Join Date: Jan 2016 Location: Barber City, CA Posts: 4,729	Re: Post your keep up with Richard funnies __________________ *I started out with nothing - and I still have most of it*

03-23-2020, 04:38 PM	#1497
Boog laying low Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: Searcy, Ark. USA Posts: 12,957	Re: Post your keep up with Richard funnies We’re sure to get a charge out of that. __________________ Boog 69 Chevy stepside, 358/T350, 4.11 posi, 4.5/4 drop, rallys, poboy driver primer is finer 91 Chevy sportside, Tahoe, Yukon & GMC Crewcab All GM..'nuff said. I stand for the flag and kneel at the cross

03-23-2020, 08:06 PM	#1499
Steeveedee Who Changed This? Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: Simi Valley, CA Posts: 10,102	Re: Post your keep up with Richard funnies Could be inducted into the hall of fame! __________________ ~Steven '70 Chevy 3/4T Longhorn CST 402/400/3.56 Custom Camper Simi Valley, CA

03-23-2020, 08:12 PM	#1500
davischevy Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Harrison, Arkansas Posts: 9,790	Re: Post your keep up with Richard funnies Somebody will short circuit sooner or later. __________________ other Larry Build thread, Arkansas K10 https://67-72chevytrucks.com/vboard/...=755797&page=5 The ability to speak several languages is an asset, but the ability to keep your mouth shut in any language is priceless.

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