As a follow up to my thread on the 10 things I learned from a Frame Off Restoration,
https://67-72chevytrucks.com/vboard/...d.php?t=808269
I thought I would post this as well.
I wrote it many years ago with the intention of sending it into Car Craft in hope that it would get published. However, time got away from me and now the Magazine is no longer around. I found it while I was looking through an old USB drive. Thought I would share it with y'all.
25 Things you must survive to be a real “Car Guy or Car Girl”
Who is a “Car Guy or Car Gal”? Everybody knows one. They are that one person you know that lives, breathes, sleeps and dies for cars. It does not matter if it foreign or domestic, car or truck; they’re not afraid to show it. The common factor is that it’s more than transportation, personal entertainment or a hobby. It’s a genuine interest that goes beyond fascination and borders on an almost fanatic, cult-like obsession. But, they are not just born this way. It is both inherent and learned. Nature starts the ball rolling, Nurture kicks it through the uprights.
On this rite of passage, they must experience and survive a few mishaps along the way that will transform them from a casual enthusiast into a real automotive zealot. Let’s examine some of these small innocent mistakes that range from simple costly issues to sometimes life threatening tribulations.
1. At least once, lost all braking power and had to ditch off road.
A+ if lost at wheel at any speed.
2. Sell a very reliable and reasonably new vehicle to buy a clapped out 20+ year old or older car with “potential”. They will try to maintain this “diamond in the rough” as daily transportation to and from work. Co-workers will find an incredible amount of amusement in his/her ongoing frustration.
3. Drive with either vice grips for a steering wheel or a milk crate as a seat.
Extra credit if done either on a public road for more than two consecutive days OR on more than one occasion.
4. Totally disassemble a car for a “frame off” not taking one note or picture. Each of the parts will be thrown into random boxes and most will be thrown out during one subsequent house move. Then waiting two years or more to attempt to reassemble.
Automatic FAIL if the car never goes back together; Passing with Honors if he/she uses it as justification to buy another car as a guide to reassemble the first one.
5. To aid in roll starting, they will park on a hill because the starter/battery is bad; and has been for at least a week.
Can substitute reaching under the car to bang on a starter with a hammer while someone else turns the key; but only if they are lying in the rain or a puddle of oil to do so. Honorable mention if it’s on a first date and they somehow manage to secure a second date.
6. Experience an electrical fire.
Sympathy points if the entire car goes up in flames like a Fiero with a leaky valve cover.
7. They have been disappointed with the quality of a JC Whittney purchase; yet continues to buy because the “price is right”.
8. They have used some, if not all, of the following products on their car; either as intended or not.
(preferably not)
• Duct and electrical tape
• JB Weld
• Coat hangers
• Paper clips
• Bondo (to fix a rust hole)
• Stop leak of any kind
• Krazy Glue
• Fiberglass (on something other than a Corvette, see Bondo above)
• Octane booster
• Color tinted wax (to fix fading clear coats)
• Chrome spray paint
• Cheap Vinyl dye from Walmart
• Guaranteed to pass emissions in a can. (if applicable)
9. Kept parts for a car that he/she has sold.
Extra points for acquiring parts for a car they don’t own and have no intention of buying.
10. Used air shocks, shackles to cure bad springs.
Shackles can be substituted. (Most Nova owners start here)
11. Road side repair of something more than a flat. (ie: water pump, starter, full brake job.) Replacing parts in the parking lot of the junk yard or drag strip does not count.
A+ if done at night using only a sense of feel, tools found in the trunk and the headlights from another car.
12. Driven a totally primered car to the body shop for painting sans lights, trim, door handles, bumpers, license plates, trim and mirrors.
Honors if done wearing a snorkel mask because there is no windshield.
13. Installed a distributor 180 degrees off.
No extra credit if there is a loss of eyebrows. Much like natural selection, this is supposed to happen and teaches a great lesson in regards to intake vs. exhaust stroke.
14. Borrowed a friend’s car only to break it or wreck it.
Extra points if it’s a parent’s car and taken without permission; Double if, under any circumstances, it’s an in-law’s car.
15. Forgetting to put oil on the oil filter gasket or to replace the oil cap.
A+ if the neighbors call the fire department.
16. They have at least one reckless driving ticket on their record.
17. Received more than 4 stitches from using the wrong tool.
Extra credit if the offending tool was thrown across the garage causing additional damage.
18. Not just tasted gasoline while siphoning a tank; but able to identify the octane or brand by taste like a wine steward on a cruise ship.
19. At any time; they have enough rust in their eyes to set off the metal detectors at the airport.
20. Been shocked by an ignition wire.
Honorable mention if they bang their head on the hood…or wet their pants.
21. Had a toolbox slide across the trunk and put a pimple in the quarter panel.
22. The act of eating with greasy hands no longer bothers them.
Can also substitute being in a Junkyard during all types of weather. Rain, Snow, 100+ degree heat, freezing temps, Tornado, Hurricane, etc. The more extreme the better.
23. Exclusively shopped for their next project in a junkyard.
24. They have had a long standing battle to evict bugs or vermin from a project.
25. Living in constant fear that one of their neighbors will call the local police or county “clean and beautiful committee” on a project.
Extra points if it results in pushing the vehicle from one side of the street to the other during alternating parking nights.
It’s a road fraught with potholes and speed bumps. However, should they keep on his path and live through some of these dramatic experiences, they will be bestowed with the public title of “Car Guy or Car Gal”. How many have you had?
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