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03-11-2021, 04:04 PM
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#1 |
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laying low
 
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: Searcy, Ark. USA
Posts: 13,059
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Re: Joke Thread
Maybe she'll get some glasses with her stimulus money.
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Boog 69 Chevy stepside, 358/T350, 4.11 posi, 4.5/4 drop, rallys, poboy driver primer is finer 91 Chevy sportside, Tahoe, Yukon & GMC Crewcab All GM..'nuff said. I stand for the flag and kneel at the cross |
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03-12-2021, 01:13 PM
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#2 |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Northern Nevada
Posts: 7,187
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Re: Joke Thread
Here's an old one that was floating around the internet start-up. Notes from an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting Texas from the East Coast:
Recently I was honored to be selected as an outstanding famous celebrity in Texas, to be a judge at a Chili cook-off, because no one else wanted to do it. Also the original person called in sick at the last moment, and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the beer wagon when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges, who were native Texans that the chili wouldn't be too spicy, and the beer was free, so I accepted. Here are the scorecards from the event: CHILI # 1: MIKE'S MANIC MONSTER CHILI JUDGE ONE: A bit heavy on the tomato, but amusing kick. JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild. FRANK: Wholly shot what is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway with this stuff. I needed two beers to put the flames out. Hope that's the worst one, these Texans are crazy. CHILI # 2: ARTHUR'S AFTERBURNER CHILI JUDGE ONE: Smokey, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang. JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavor. Needs more peppers to be taken seriously. FRANK: Keep this out of reach of children! I'm not sure what I am supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave of two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They called in three pitchers of beers when they saw the look on my face. CHILI # 3: FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse chili! Great kick. Needs more beans. JUDGE TWO: A bean-less chili, and a bit salty. Good use of red peppers. FRANK: Call the EPA, I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting sit-faced. CHILI # 4: BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC JUDGE ONE: Black Bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing. JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods. Not much of a chili. FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Sally, the barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills; she’s starting to look HOT! just like this nuclear-waste I am eating. CHILI # 5: LINDA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive. JUDGE TWO: Chili using shredded beef; could use more tomato. The cayenne peppers make a strong statement. FRANK: My ears are ringing, and I can no linger focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I said her chili gave me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly from a pitcher onto it. The other judges asked me to stop screaming, flocking Rednecks! CHILI # 6: VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spice and peppers. JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions and garlic. FRANK: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except fat Sally. I need to wipe my bass with a snow cone! CHILI # 7: SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI JUDGE ONE: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers. JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum. Tastes like they threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. I should note I am worried about Judge number 3. FRANK: You could put flaking grenade in my mouth, pull the flocking pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost the sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava sheet to match my shirt. At least they'll know what killed me from the autopsy. I've decided to stop breathing, it's just too painful. I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I can just suck it in through the four inch hole in my stomach. CHILI # 8: HELEN'S MOUNT SAINT CHILI JUDGE ONE: A perfect ending. This is a nice blend chili, safe for all; not too bold, but spicy enough to declare its existence. JUDGE TWO: This final entry is a good balanced chili, neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see most of the chili was lost when Judge # 3 passed out pulling the chili pot on top of him, poor Yankee. (Editor's Note: Judge # 3 was unable to report).
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Tony 71 Custom Deluxe, SWB, 2WD, 402, A/C. I developed an assembly kit for restoring the (a) truck from the ground up. My build thread, and more on the assembly kit https://67-72chevytrucks.com/vboard/...d.php?t=730025 |
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03-12-2021, 01:16 PM
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#3 |
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Equal opportunity joke ofender
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Eastern Shore of MD
Posts: 9,949
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Re: Joke Thread
Been a few days since I heard that one. Love it
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Members I have met. Dually Jams, OlBlue60, ScottH, Tommyboy24, Dujobo, Warbucket, 2003 Silverado, Notsolo, my90k5, 6t727t2, Special-K ,Jack_71C10, tabarcus,72blazer_mud_bogger,pwdcougar,RSavage,EricSean,1Rippen6,invicta455,tennaragtop71,arks, Kendal,Bennett68C10, Perpendicular, Chainsawman, McGeesCustomMinis,ShortbedClayton,longblue72,6768chevylover,Tim71,Travisarmenta,Ol' Drippy,fleetmitch,georgieb51,Dave,bcnya2,Dadsburb https://paypal.me/6772GMtruckparts Most women like the strong, silent type… Fortunately for me, my wife prefers the out-of-shape, mouthy type. |
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03-12-2021, 01:50 PM
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#4 | |
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Registered User
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: DALLAS,TX
Posts: 21,933
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Re: Joke Thread
Quote:
(I arrived in TX as a youth from up North/East).
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67SWB-B.B.RetroRod 64SWB-Recycle 89CCDually-Driver/Tow Truck 99CCSWB Driver All Fleetsides @rattlecankustoms in IG Building a small, high rpm engine with the perfect bore, stroke and rod ratio is very impressive. It's like a highly skilled Morrocan sword fighter with a Damascus Steel Scimitar..... Cubic inches is like Indiana Jones with a cheap pistol. |
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03-14-2021, 11:29 AM
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#5 |
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Registered User
Join Date: Jul 2018
Location: Catskill Mountains,NY
Posts: 8,300
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Re: Joke Thread
...
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Mark 72 c20 custom camper Husky edition, 66 SS396 Chevelle 1964 Hawk, 63 Avanti,62 lark 1969 AMX , 1968 c20 stepside ,85 K20 1977 Suburban sold 68 anniversary. |
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03-14-2021, 12:17 PM
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#6 |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: TN.
Posts: 7,896
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Re: Joke Thread
.
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________________________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________ 84 Chevy K-20 63 Impala (my high school car) http://67-72chevytrucks.com/vboard/s...Crew Cab Build |
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03-17-2021, 01:55 PM
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#7 |
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Equal opportunity joke ofender
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Eastern Shore of MD
Posts: 9,949
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Re: Joke Thread
Do they allow loud laughing in Hawaii , or just a low ha
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Members I have met. Dually Jams, OlBlue60, ScottH, Tommyboy24, Dujobo, Warbucket, 2003 Silverado, Notsolo, my90k5, 6t727t2, Special-K ,Jack_71C10, tabarcus,72blazer_mud_bogger,pwdcougar,RSavage,EricSean,1Rippen6,invicta455,tennaragtop71,arks, Kendal,Bennett68C10, Perpendicular, Chainsawman, McGeesCustomMinis,ShortbedClayton,longblue72,6768chevylover,Tim71,Travisarmenta,Ol' Drippy,fleetmitch,georgieb51,Dave,bcnya2,Dadsburb https://paypal.me/6772GMtruckparts Most women like the strong, silent type… Fortunately for me, my wife prefers the out-of-shape, mouthy type. |
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03-17-2021, 01:57 PM
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#8 |
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Equal opportunity joke ofender
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Eastern Shore of MD
Posts: 9,949
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Re: Joke Thread
Irish humor
A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?" "Of course child. What may I do for you?" "Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my Mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?" "I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie." "With your honest face, Father, no one will question you." When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?" "From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare." The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?" "I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused." Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father. Next!"
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Members I have met. Dually Jams, OlBlue60, ScottH, Tommyboy24, Dujobo, Warbucket, 2003 Silverado, Notsolo, my90k5, 6t727t2, Special-K ,Jack_71C10, tabarcus,72blazer_mud_bogger,pwdcougar,RSavage,EricSean,1Rippen6,invicta455,tennaragtop71,arks, Kendal,Bennett68C10, Perpendicular, Chainsawman, McGeesCustomMinis,ShortbedClayton,longblue72,6768chevylover,Tim71,Travisarmenta,Ol' Drippy,fleetmitch,georgieb51,Dave,bcnya2,Dadsburb https://paypal.me/6772GMtruckparts Most women like the strong, silent type… Fortunately for me, my wife prefers the out-of-shape, mouthy type. |
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03-18-2021, 08:14 AM
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#9 | |
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Proprietor of Dale's Corner
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Vacaville , CA
Posts: 15,920
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Re: Joke Thread
Quote:
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"Some Days Chickens And Some Days Feathers" Dale XNGH ECV Sam Brannan 1004 R.I.P. 67ChevyRedneck R.I.P. Grumpy Old Man |
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03-18-2021, 07:05 AM
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#10 |
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Equal opportunity joke ofender
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Eastern Shore of MD
Posts: 9,949
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Re: Joke Thread
charge
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Members I have met. Dually Jams, OlBlue60, ScottH, Tommyboy24, Dujobo, Warbucket, 2003 Silverado, Notsolo, my90k5, 6t727t2, Special-K ,Jack_71C10, tabarcus,72blazer_mud_bogger,pwdcougar,RSavage,EricSean,1Rippen6,invicta455,tennaragtop71,arks, Kendal,Bennett68C10, Perpendicular, Chainsawman, McGeesCustomMinis,ShortbedClayton,longblue72,6768chevylover,Tim71,Travisarmenta,Ol' Drippy,fleetmitch,georgieb51,Dave,bcnya2,Dadsburb https://paypal.me/6772GMtruckparts Most women like the strong, silent type… Fortunately for me, my wife prefers the out-of-shape, mouthy type. |
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03-18-2021, 07:31 AM
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#11 |
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State of Confusion!
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Gulfport, MS USA
Posts: 46,754
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Re: Joke Thread
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Bill 1970 Chevy Custom/10 LWB Fleetside 2010 Toyota Tacoma PreRunner SR5 Double Cab - DD Member of Louisiana Classic Truck Club (LCTC) Bill's Gallery Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift. Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God! |
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03-18-2021, 09:34 AM
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#12 |
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Equal opportunity joke ofender
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Eastern Shore of MD
Posts: 9,949
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Re: Joke Thread
horse
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Members I have met. Dually Jams, OlBlue60, ScottH, Tommyboy24, Dujobo, Warbucket, 2003 Silverado, Notsolo, my90k5, 6t727t2, Special-K ,Jack_71C10, tabarcus,72blazer_mud_bogger,pwdcougar,RSavage,EricSean,1Rippen6,invicta455,tennaragtop71,arks, Kendal,Bennett68C10, Perpendicular, Chainsawman, McGeesCustomMinis,ShortbedClayton,longblue72,6768chevylover,Tim71,Travisarmenta,Ol' Drippy,fleetmitch,georgieb51,Dave,bcnya2,Dadsburb https://paypal.me/6772GMtruckparts Most women like the strong, silent type… Fortunately for me, my wife prefers the out-of-shape, mouthy type. |
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03-18-2021, 06:40 PM
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#13 |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: TN.
Posts: 7,896
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Re: Joke Thread
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Leftover Parts from Years of Projects Do you see anything Wrong with these Tires  Repaired my Frame  What do you think?? .
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________________________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________ 84 Chevy K-20 63 Impala (my high school car) http://67-72chevytrucks.com/vboard/s...Crew Cab Build |
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03-18-2021, 06:42 PM
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#14 |
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Registered User
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: DALLAS,TX
Posts: 21,933
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Re: Joke Thread
^^If she wanted to go to church.... I'd take her (& I don't go to church)
__________________
67SWB-B.B.RetroRod 64SWB-Recycle 89CCDually-Driver/Tow Truck 99CCSWB Driver All Fleetsides @rattlecankustoms in IG Building a small, high rpm engine with the perfect bore, stroke and rod ratio is very impressive. It's like a highly skilled Morrocan sword fighter with a Damascus Steel Scimitar..... Cubic inches is like Indiana Jones with a cheap pistol. |
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03-18-2021, 08:12 PM
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#15 |
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laying low
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: Searcy, Ark. USA
Posts: 13,059
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Re: Joke Thread
Do these tires make my bus look big?
__________________
Boog 69 Chevy stepside, 358/T350, 4.11 posi, 4.5/4 drop, rallys, poboy driver primer is finer 91 Chevy sportside, Tahoe, Yukon & GMC Crewcab All GM..'nuff said. I stand for the flag and kneel at the cross |
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03-18-2021, 08:23 PM
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#16 | |
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R.I.P. E.S.L.L.
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Kernville CA./ Lake Isabella CA.
Posts: 11,419
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Re: Joke Thread
Quote:
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1971 Custom C/20  1970 CST 20 1970 C/30 Flatbed 1983 C/30 Dually 2015 Corvette Z51 2021 Corvette Z51 1991 Cadillac Hearse 1982 Cadillac Eldorado Biarritz 2000 Porsche Boxster S 2020 Jeep Gladiator 1973 VW Thing 1973 Plymouth Satellite wagon 1963 Baja Bug 1959 Bug Dune Buggy 1970 Baja Bug 1987 Jaguar XJ 350. R.I.P. El Jay R.I.P Jessie. R.I.P Grumpy. Every day is a gift from God. |
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03-18-2021, 08:45 PM
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#17 | |
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20' Daredevil (Ret)
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Jefferson State
Posts: 13,562
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Re: Joke Thread
Quote:
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- Mike - 1972 K20 LWB 350/350/205 RIP El Jay |
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03-19-2021, 07:27 AM
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#18 |
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Proprietor of Dale's Corner
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Vacaville , CA
Posts: 15,920
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Re: Joke Thread
How do you open the doors to get in? Poor design!!
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"Some Days Chickens And Some Days Feathers" Dale XNGH ECV Sam Brannan 1004 R.I.P. 67ChevyRedneck R.I.P. Grumpy Old Man |
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03-19-2021, 09:17 AM
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#19 |
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20' Daredevil (Ret)
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Jefferson State
Posts: 13,562
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Re: Joke Thread
Is there a back door to go in?
Good luck turning right or left.....
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- Mike - 1972 K20 LWB 350/350/205 RIP El Jay |
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03-19-2021, 09:35 AM
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#20 | |
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Proprietor of Dale's Corner
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Vacaville , CA
Posts: 15,920
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Re: Joke Thread
Quote:
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"Some Days Chickens And Some Days Feathers" Dale XNGH ECV Sam Brannan 1004 R.I.P. 67ChevyRedneck R.I.P. Grumpy Old Man |
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03-19-2021, 09:38 AM
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#21 |
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Registered User
Join Date: Jul 2018
Location: Catskill Mountains,NY
Posts: 8,300
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Re: Joke Thread
This truck term used loosely is from my area.
__________________
Mark 72 c20 custom camper Husky edition, 66 SS396 Chevelle 1964 Hawk, 63 Avanti,62 lark 1969 AMX , 1968 c20 stepside ,85 K20 1977 Suburban sold 68 anniversary. |
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03-19-2021, 11:23 AM
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#22 |
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20' Daredevil (Ret)
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Jefferson State
Posts: 13,562
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Re: Joke Thread
Mark, all I can say about that is someone did an awful lot of work to create a monstrosity.
Workmanship could very well be absolutely first class, but.... well, I'll just say the result is not to my taste. 
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- Mike - 1972 K20 LWB 350/350/205 RIP El Jay |
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03-20-2021, 10:19 AM
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#23 |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: TN.
Posts: 7,896
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Re: Joke Thread
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__________________
________________________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________ 84 Chevy K-20 63 Impala (my high school car) http://67-72chevytrucks.com/vboard/s...Crew Cab Build |
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03-20-2021, 01:58 PM
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#24 |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Turlock, CA
Posts: 8,528
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Re: Joke Thread
My 10-yr old just asked me this...
Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
__________________
I live in California, but identify as a Texan  "If a job's worth doing, it's worth doing well" Survivor "Lil’ Mint" (67 c10 40k mile light green original paint) Project "C10 Fever" (68 factory black 396 swb) Project "Little Sister" (70 c10 blue original paint refresh) Project "Blue Bomb" (70 c30 blue original paint refresh) SOLD Project "Vitamin C" (71 c10 orange original paint refresh) SOLD |
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03-20-2021, 02:42 PM
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#25 | |
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Proprietor of Dale's Corner
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Vacaville , CA
Posts: 15,920
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Re: Joke Thread
Quote:
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"Some Days Chickens And Some Days Feathers" Dale XNGH ECV Sam Brannan 1004 R.I.P. 67ChevyRedneck R.I.P. Grumpy Old Man |
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Hybrid Mode
