TOOLS EXPLAINED in case you didn't know

[richard2717]

DRILL PRESS : A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.
WIRE WHEEL : Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh sh*t'
DROP SAW : A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.
PLIERS : Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.
BELT SANDER : An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.
HACKSAW : One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
VISE-GRIPS : Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
OXYACETYLENE TORCH : Used almost entirely for lighting on fire various flammable objects in your shop. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race..
TABLE SAW : A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.
HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK : Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.
BAND SAW : A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.
TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST : A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.
PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER : Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.
STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER : A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.
PRY BAR : A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
HOSE CUTTER : A tool used to make hoses too short.
HAMMER : Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.
UTILITY KNIFE : Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.
ADJUSTABLE WRENCH: aka "Another hammer", aka "the Swedish Nut Lathe", aka "Crescent Wrench". Commonly used as a one size fits all wrench, usually results in rounding off nut heads before the use of pliers. Will randomly adjust size between bolts, resulting in busted buckles, curse words, and multiple threats to any inanimate objects within the immediate vicinity.
Son of a ***** TOOL : Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'Son of a b*tch' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.

[Stocker]

I have seen similar lists before, but this list may be the best yet!!

[cwcarpenter98]

[yuccales]

I'm so guilty of many of those.

[Ironhorse]

That's a great list and so true. Anyone who has ever wrenched on vehicles for any length of time can sure relate to many if not all of those items.

[davischevy]

Great explanation.

Pliers, Vise Grips and Cresent Wrenches make me cringe. I look on in disgust when people grabs a pair of pliers or Vise Grips and go to work on a perfectly good nut or bolt head.

[Getter-Done]

I will say Richard.
You are the Yoda of this Forum.












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[1976gmc20]

Originally Posted by davischevy

Great explanation.

Pliers, Vise Grips and Cresent Wrenches make me cringe. I look on in disgust when people grabs a pair of pliers or Vise Grips and go to work on a perfectly good nut or bolt head.

Crescent Hammer works fine on something like a big wheel bearing castle nut, which is never super tight to begin with.

There was a young guy down in Colorado that I bought my big GMC truck from. Later he hired me to haul an old Farmall up into the mountains. We were unloading it and part of however I tied it down included a screw pin bow shackle, that had the flat end on it to turn, with a hole for safety wire. Anyway, he was up on the truck and couldn't turn the pin by hand, so I got a crescent wrench from the cab and handed it up to him. But instead of adjusting the crescent to the flat end of the pin, he started whacking on it to try to turn it

From that point on, my logging buddy and I always called them "crescent hammers"

[richard2717]

If you break your wifes mixer it also doubles as one

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[GOPAPA]

That list about covers it all...but.. Electricians use a Hickey for bending conduit ,,,,,,,,,,,,,I always wondered why they did not also have a doo-hickey tool for something

[ApacheNick]

SAWSALL-Similar to HACKSAW, but being a power saw it has the ability to do far greater damage, far faster.

[franken]

Funny, but using tools improperly or stupidly doesn't mean the tool is the trouble. It seems tools need a label suggesting a brain is required. Sadly, the ability to read is needed and that needs to be plastered on many people's forehead.

[richard2717]

Originally Posted by franken

Funny, but using tools improperly or stupidly doesn't mean the tool is the trouble. It seems tools need a label suggesting a brain is required. Sadly, the ability to read is needed and that needs to be plastered on many people's forehead.

I feel just the opposite. Get rid of the stupid warning labels and let nature weed em out. The amount of warning labels required anymore has reached the point of absurd.

[Rich84]

We had a Cadillac loaner vehicle a couple of weeks ago when ours was being serviced. When I got out of the car there was a warning to check the back seat for a child...

[1976gmc20]

FLASHLIGHT : Place to store dead batteries.

[Getter-Done]

Originally Posted by franken

funny, but using tools improperly or stupidly doesn't mean the tool is the trouble. It seems tools need a label suggesting a brain is required. Sadly, the ability to read is needed and that needs to be plastered on many people's forehead.

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[richard2717]

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[richard2717]

,,,

[richard2717]

don't have an engine hoist but have a little giant.....no problem

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[Ol Blue K20]

Originally Posted by richard2717

don't have an engine hoist but have a little giant.....no problem

.

Very scary!

[richard2717]

Originally Posted by Ol Blue K20

Very scary!

I am still trying to figure out what he intends to do with it once he lifts it. With the ladder on the car I am "assuming? he just needs to lift it a little to pull oil pan or mounts. At least my little giant is big enough to straddle the car so I can pull the car away lol

[1976gmc20]

Originally Posted by richard2717

I am still trying to figure out what he intends to do with it once he lifts it. With the ladder on the car I am "assuming? he just needs to lift it a little to pull oil pan or mounts. At least my little giant is big enough to straddle the car so I can pull the car away lol

Needs two stepladders one on either side of the car with a 2x4 between them

[Steeveedee]

Pretty sure that the engine only drops out the bottom on these?

[Richard2112]

Man, this thread is hilarious. Mostly because it's true. LOL!

[Ol Blue K20]

Originally Posted by richard2717

I am still trying to figure out what he intends to do with it once he lifts it. With the ladder on the car I am "assuming? he just needs to lift it a little to pull oil pan or mounts. At least my little giant is big enough to straddle the car so I can pull the car away lol

That's scary too!