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Old 01-23-2021, 02:26 PM   #1
richard2717
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Re: Joke Thread

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Most women like the strong, silent type… Fortunately for me, my wife prefers the out-of-shape, mouthy type.
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Old 01-23-2021, 03:18 PM   #2
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Re: Joke Thread

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...
That took some planning...
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Old 01-23-2021, 03:50 PM   #3
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Re: Joke Thread

Just found this on Gab:
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Old 01-23-2021, 04:22 PM   #4
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Re: Joke Thread



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Old 01-24-2021, 10:31 AM   #5
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Re: Joke Thread

For all the people queuing for McDonalds.
I was at the McDonald’s drive-through this morning and a young lady behind me leaned on her horn and started mouthing something because I was taking too long to place my order. So when I got to the first window I paid for her order along with my own. The McDonalds worker must have told her what I'd done, As soon as i moved up she leaned out her window and waved to me and mouthed.... "Thank you." obviously embarrassed that I had repaid her rudeness with kindness. When I got to the second window I showed them both receipts and took her food too. Now she has to go back to the end of the queue and start all over again,
DON'T blow your horn and get rude! Be patient
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Old 01-24-2021, 11:55 AM   #6
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Re: Joke Thread

Bad Bus Driver (Bad)

A woman got on a bus holding a baby.
The bus driver said: "That's the ugliest baby i've ever seen."

In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus.

The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong.
"The bus driver insulted me," she fumed.
The man sympathized and said:
"Why, he's a public servant and shouldn't say things to insult passengers."

"You're right," she said.
" I think i'll go back up there an give him a piece of my mind."
"Thats a good idea," the man said.

"Here, let me hold your monkey."











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Old 01-24-2021, 12:01 PM   #7
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Old 01-26-2021, 09:01 AM   #8
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Re: Joke Thread

A guy walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check. He marched straight up to the counter and said,"Hi. You know...., I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job." The social worker behind the counter said, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a Chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You'll drive his 2021... Mercedes-Benz CL and he will supply all of your clothes.Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips. This is rather awkward to say, but you will also as part of your job description have to satisfy her sexual urges. The daughter is in her mid-20's and has a rather strong sex drive." The guy in wide-eyed amazement said, "You're bull****tin' me!" The social worker said: "Yeah, well ... You started it
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Old 01-26-2021, 03:12 PM   #9
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Old 01-27-2021, 09:00 AM   #10
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Re: Joke Thread

Yesterday, I had a flat tire on the interstate. So I eased my car over to the shoulder of the road, carefully got out of the car and opened the trunk.

I took out two cardboard men, unfolded them and stood them at the rear of my car facing on-coming traffic. They looked so life like you wouldn’t believe it! They’re dressed in open trench coats that exposed their nude bodies and private parts to the approaching drivers.

But to my surprise, cars started slowing down to look at my lifelike men. And, of course, traffic began backing up.

Everybody tooted their horns and waved like crazy.

It wasn’t long before a state trooper pulled up behind me. He got out of his car and walked towards me. I could tell he was not a happy camper!

“What’s going on here?”

“My car has a flat tire,” I said calmly.

“Well, what the hell are those obscene cardboard men doing here by the road?”

I couldn’t believe that he didn’t know.

So I told him, “Helloooooo, those are my emergency flashers!”
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Old 01-27-2021, 11:06 AM   #11
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Re: Joke Thread

oh Richard you got me on that one! Didn't see it coming.
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Old 01-27-2021, 11:08 AM   #12
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Re: Joke Thread

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oh Richard you got me on that one! Didn't see it coming.
Me either.
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Old 01-27-2021, 11:31 AM   #13
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Re: Joke Thread

x3
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Old 01-29-2021, 08:18 AM   #14
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Re: Joke Thread

4 more payments and this baby is finally mine

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Old 01-29-2021, 10:30 AM   #15
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Re: Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by richard2717 View Post
4 more payments and this baby is finally mine

.
There's a lot of truth in that one.....
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Old 01-29-2021, 12:15 PM   #16
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Re: Joke Thread

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There's a lot of truth in that one.....
So true !!!!
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Old 01-30-2021, 01:28 PM   #17
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Re: Joke Thread

"I am responsible for what I say, not for what you understand."

A seminar on time travel will be held here 2 weeks ago!

If a man speaks in the forest and no woman hears him, is he still wrong?

I danced like no one was watching. My court date is pending..

Bigfoot saw me and no one believes him either..
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Old 01-30-2021, 02:53 PM   #18
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Re: Joke Thread

Why do mermaids wear seashells on their breasts?



Because B-shells are too small and D-shells are too big!
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Old 01-30-2021, 07:50 PM   #19
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Re: Joke Thread

Four men are in the hospital waiting room because their wives are having babies. A nurse goes up to the first guy and says, “Congratulations! You’re the father of twins.”

“That’s odd,” answers the man. “I work for the Minnesota Twins!”

A nurse says to the second guy, “Congratulations! You’re the father of triplets!”

“That’s weird,” answers the second man. “I work for the 3M company!”

A nurse tells the third man, “Congratulations! You’re the father of quadruplets!”

“That’s strange,” he answers. “I work for the Four Seasons hotel!”

The last man is groaning and banging his head against the wall. “What’s wrong?” the others ask.

“I work for 7 Up!”
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Old 01-31-2021, 01:06 AM   #20
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Re: Joke Thread

Remember to respect your elders!

A 71-year-old man made the trip back to his old college
to take one last look around campus again before he settled in to retired life.

As he got to the campus he saw a young man studying hard,
and the sight brought back memories.
He sat on the bench beside the lad,
but was surprised when the kid started spouting off at him.

“You old man.
Your generation will never understand my generation,” the kid lectured.
“You grew up in a different world.
In fact, your world is almost primitive compared to mine,” the student said.

“Is that right?” the elder man said.

“The young people of today grew up with television, jet planes, space travel, microwaves.
I can carry hundreds of books on a tiny chip in my cell phone.
We have nuclear energy, electric and hydrogen cars, computers with light-speed processing, and,” he paused to take swig of beer.

The senior took advantage of the break in the student’s litany and said, “You’re right, son.
We didn’t have those things when we were young – so we invented them. Now, you arrogant little bastard,
what are you doing for the next generation?”


The student fell completely silent and all the people around them cheered!











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Old 01-31-2021, 10:32 AM   #21
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Re: Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Getter-Done View Post
Remember to respect your elders!

A 71-year-old man made the trip back to his old college
to take one last look around campus again before he settled in to retired life.

As he got to the campus he saw a young man studying hard,
and the sight brought back memories.
He sat on the bench beside the lad,
but was surprised when the kid started spouting off at him.

“You old man.
Your generation will never understand my generation,” the kid lectured.
“You grew up in a different world.
In fact, your world is almost primitive compared to mine,” the student said.

“Is that right?” the elder man said.

“The young people of today grew up with television, jet planes, space travel, microwaves.
I can carry hundreds of books on a tiny chip in my cell phone.
We have nuclear energy, electric and hydrogen cars, computers with light-speed processing, and,” he paused to take swig of beer.

The senior took advantage of the break in the student’s litany and said, “You’re right, son.
We didn’t have those things when we were young – so we invented them. Now, you arrogant little bastard,
what are you doing for the next generation?”


The student fell completely silent and all the people around them cheered!











.
Nice!! I really like that one...
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Old 02-06-2021, 04:16 PM   #22
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Re: Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ol Blue K20 View Post
Nice!! I really like that one...
x2.
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Old 01-31-2021, 11:51 AM   #23
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Re: Joke Thread

My daughter shared this with me yesterday.
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Old 02-03-2021, 11:01 PM   #24
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Re: Joke Thread

-
The last straw....
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Old 02-04-2021, 08:57 AM   #25
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Re: Joke Thread

Dang Leon don't scare me like that. Got this email notification and 1st thought was somebody posted something wrong and you were closing the thread

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